Scene One

Lights rise on an empty bedroom. Sounds of struggling can be heard as Noonie crawls out from beneath the bed. She picks up a stuffed green teddy bear, and fixes the bed cover. She picks up the television remote and clicks it. The television comes on. It scares her. She shuts off the remote and looks around the room. She checks out the dresser drawers, and a few knick knacks on top of the dresser. She picks up a diary and begins reading it. [Noonie speaks to the adience]

Noonie: Dear Diary…today at school, Scott offered me half of his lunch. He's really cute and I think he has a crush on me. [Well, that's stupid!]

She turns the page

Dear Diary, Scott didn't have a pencil today so I gave him an extra one that I had. When he looked at me with those big blue eyes and said thank you I almost melted. I think I have a crush on him. [Oh give me a break!]

She turns the page

Scott's got a cute smile…

She turns the page

Scott carried my books…

She turns the page

Scott gave me a Valentine's card…

She turns the page

Me and Scott spent all of our lunch time in the cafeteria together today…

She turns the page

Scott - [….hmmm! This is interesting…]

She crosses the room while reading

Dear Diary, Scott kissed me on the lips today. [Well, if that's not enough to make you sick I don't know what is.] He told me that when we got older he wanted to marry me.

She turns the page

Dear Diary, I think I'm in love…[Wow! Cool! She's in love.]

She turns the page

Dear Diary, Me and Scott went to the circus today. We held hands and went on the scrambler ten times. He spent more than twenty dollars on the ring toss game and won the cutest little green teddy bear that you ever saw. I named the teddy bear Andrew because that's Scott's second name. [Well, isn't that sweet?]

Off stage and entering are Darlene and Chris. Darlene is trying to keep Chris from entering her room. Noonie behaves as if everything is fine.

Darlene: Chris, I'm not loaning you five dollars now stop bugging me.

Chris: But I'll pay you back on Wednesday, I promise. I'm mowing Mister Jamison's lawn, front and back, and he usually pays me fifteen dollars.

Darlene sees Noonie for the first time

Noonie: Hi, how ya doin'?

Pause

Darlene: Who are you?

Chris: Come on Darlene, let me in.

Enter Chris

Darlene: And what are you doing in my room?

Chris: Oh, thanks…hey, who's she?

Darlene: I don't know. Who are you?

Noonie: I'm Noonie.

Darlene: Noonie?

Noonie: Yeah, you know, Noonie. The girl who lives under your bed.

Darlene: Noonie?

Chris: You mean…you mean, you're Noonie?

Darlene: Noonie?

Noonie: What are you deaf or what? I said my name is Noonie! N-o-o-n…

Chris: You know Darlene. Noonie! The girl who lives under your bed. Remember?

Darlene: Oh knock it off Chris. Who are you and what are you doing in my room?

Noonie: I just told you. I'm Noonie, the girl who lives under your bed.

Darlene: Oh you are not. And give me that. It's mine. It's personal.

She snatches her diary from her

Noonie: You got anything to eat? I'm hungry.

Chris: I can get you a sandwich or something if you want.

Darlene: Chris?

Chris: Well, she said she was hungry.

Darlene: Look, are you gonna tell me who you are and what you're doing in my room or am I gonna have to call my mother?

Noonie: I already told you who I was.

Darlene: Maw?

Noonie: Now what do you have to go and do that for?

Darlene: Maw?

Chris: She's outside working in the garden Darlene.

Noonie: Yeah, she's outside working in the garden Darlene. Now stop it! All you're gonna do is cause a big problem.

Darlene opens the window

Darlene: Maw?

Noonie: Oh for the love'a God!

Darlene: Maw, there's someone in my room.

Noonie: Will you talk to her and tell her to stop that?

Chris: Darlene!

Darlene: I don't know who she is. I never saw her before in my life.

Chris: Darlene!

Darlene: Wait, I'll ask him.

Out of the window

Chris, Maw wants to know if you know who she is.

Chris: Yeah, it's Noonie, the girl who lives under your bed.

Darlene: Awww, idiot!

In the window

No, he has no idea who she is….ok!

Closes the window

Maw's comin' up.

Noonie: Oh, great! Just great!

Chris: Geez, Darlene. What did you have to go and do that for? She's just a kid.

Noonie: Yeah, Darlene, what did you have to go and do that for? I'm just a kid.

Chris: She probably just wandered in the door by mistake. She was probably just up here looking around. She probably -

Darlene: She was probably up here seeing what she could steal, that's what she was probably doing.

Noonie: Yeah, right, like you got something worth stealin'. A stupid dairy and Andrew the green teddy bear.

Chris: Andrew? His name is Andrew?

Darlene: How did you know his name was - you were reading my diary. Why you little brat! What else did you read?

Noonie: Did you know that she's in love with Scott?

Chris: What? Scott?

Darlene: Shut up you!

Chris: Scott Davis? You're in love with Scott the Dork Davis.

Darlene: He is not a dork!

Noonie: She even kissed him on the lips.

Darlene: I did not.

Chris: What? You kissed Dorky Davis on the lips?

Darlene: Stop calling him that! And you shut up.

Noonie: They were holdin' hands at the circus

Darlene: I said shut up!

A knock at the door. Mother enters

Missus Dailey: Darlene what's going on? Oh, hello dear.

Noonie: Hello.

To Darlene

Missus Dailey: Darlene, who's your little friend?

Chris: Yeah, Darlene, why don't you tell Maw who your little friend is.

He sits back on her bed to watch the conversation

Darlene: Why don't you tell her who you are?

Noonie: Hi…

Noonie hugs mom

I'm Noonie.

Missus Dailey: Oh, a hug…how sweet! It's nice to meet you Noonie.

Darlene: Maw?

Missus Dailey: Yes dear?

Darlene: She said her name was Noonie.

Missus Dailey: Yes, I heard her. Noonie.

Darlene: Maw…Noonie…you know, Noonie?

Missus Dailey: Ohhhh, yes…..Noonie. Like the little invisible friend you used to have when you were small. The one that lived under your bed. Isn't that nice. Well, look, I'm going to get back to my gardening. You kids have fun.

Darlene: Maw?

Missus Dailey: Yes dear?

Darlene: She says that she's Noonie.

Missus Dailey: Darlene, I know dear. She just told me.

Darlene: No, I mean, she says that she really is Noonie…the girl who lives under my bed.

Mom looks at Darlene, then Noonie and then Chris

Chris: Hey, don't look at me. I didn't have any invisible friends when I was a kid.

Missus Dailey: Oh stop it, the three of you…very funny. Noonie!

Darlene: Maw, ask her where she lives.

Missus Dailey: Ask her where she lives? Why?

Darlene: Just go ahead…ask her where she lives.

Missus Dailey: Noonie, where do you live dear?

Noonie: Under the bed.

Missus Dailey: Under the bed?

To Darlene

What does she mean by that, under the bed.

Darlene: She means that she lives under the bed.

Missus Dailey: What bed is she talking about?

Darlene: My bed…that bed.

Missus Dailey laughs

Missus Dailey: No, really dear, where do you live?

Noonie: Under the bed.

Missus Dailey: Darlene where does Noonie live?

Chris: She lives under the bed Maw.

Missus Dailey: Ohhh, ok…I see what you're doing now. Alright, you three…very funny…enough of your having fun. I'll be in the garden if you need me.

Darlene: But Maw?

Noonie: Nice meeting you Missus Dailey.

Missus Dailey: It was nice meeting you too, Noonie. Now the three of you be good. No shenanians, ok?

She exits. Pause

Noonie: And so what did we learn from that little exercise?

Darlene: Oh, shut up.

Chris: So, Noonie, tell us how are things underneath Darlene's bed.

Darlene: Chris, smarten up!

Chris: All I wanna know is what it's like living underneath a bed.

Noonie: Well, it's ok I guess. I mean, she never talks to me when she's alone at night anymore but other than that.

Chris: Darlene is that true? You don't talk to her anymore.

Darlene: I said smarten up.

Chris: No seriously, don't you think that's kind of rude?

She throws Andrew at him

Darlene: Will you shut up?

Chris: Hello Andrew. How are you?

Noonie: Did you know that Andrew is Scott's second name?

Darlene: Will you stop that?

Noonie: That's why she named him Andrew.

Darlene: Noonie?

Noonie: What?

Darlene: Stop telling him that stuff. That's…that's girl stuff. He doesn't have to know that.

Noonie: Girl stuff…cool!

Chris: Never mind the girl stuff! All I wanna know is did you really kiss him on the lips?

Darlene: Chris? Go!

Chris: But I'm just askin'…did you or didn't you?

Darlene: Get out!

She grabs him and escorts him out of the room.

Chris: Ow, that hurts. Stop it, Darlene. Stop it. I'm goin', ok? I'm goin'!!

Darlene: And stay out!

She shuts the door. Long pause.

Noonie: So, girl friend, what do we do next? You wanna talk about girl stuff?

Darlene: Who are you?

Noonie: I already told you.

Darlene: Who-are-you?

Noonie: I'm Noonie, the girl who lives under your bed.

Darlene: Look, just…just go, ok?

Noonie: What do you mean, go?

Darlene: Just get out of here. I'm too old to believe in that stuff anymore.

Noonie: You don't mean that.

Darlene: Yes I do. Now get out of my room!

Noonie: Really?

Darlene: Yes…really.

Noonie: You want me to go?

Darlene: That's what I said, didn't I?

Noonie responds sadly

Noonie: Well…ok…if that's what you want.

She begins to crawl under the bed

Darlene: Get out of there.

Noonie: Whatta ya mean?

Darlene: Get off the floor and get out of there. That's what I mean.

Noonie: But you told me to go.

Darlene: Out! The door.

Noonie: But where am I gonna go?

Darlene: Back to wherever you came from.

Noonie: But I came from under your bed.

Darlene points to the door

Darlene: Get!

Noonie: But you don't understand. I live under your bed.

Darlene: Maw?

Noonie: Aww? Don't do that.

Darlene: Maw?

Noonie: All you did was look stupid the last time you called her up here. Why do you wanna go and do that again?

Darlene: Maw?

Noonie: Ok, go ahead…suit yourself…it's not gonna make any difference anyway.

She is back to calling her mother through the window

Darlene: Maw, would you come up here please?

Noonie mocks her

Noonie: Maw, would you come up here please?

Darlene: No, I really need you to come up now.

Noonie: No, I really need you to come up now.

Darlene: Will you shut up? Maw, would you just come up and never mind our having fun. Believe me, I'm not having fun. I really need you to come up here right away.

Noonie: What a sookie baby.

Darlene: Thank you!

Out of the window

There! She's coming up.

Noonie: Yeah, well, whoop de doo!

Darlene: Now are you leaving or not?

Noonie: Where am I gonna go?

Darlene: I don't particularly care.

Noonie: But I don't have anywhere to go.

Darlene: Look, I don't know who you are and I don't know who told you about the "invisible" friend I used to have when I was a kid. All I know is that you scare me and I want you out of my room.

Noonie: But I don't have anywhere to go.

Darlene: Will you stop that?

Noonie: But, you don't understand…this is stupid...I really don't have anywhere to go. You can kick me out of your room but I'm still gonna end up under your bed again, so, you're just wasting your time callin' your mother.

Darlene: What's wrong with you?

Noonie: There's nothin' wrong with me.

Darlene: Why won't you listen to me? Why won't you just go away?

A knock and mother enters

Missus Dailey: Darlene, what is it this time dear? I'm really busy.

Noonie: Hello Missus Dailey.

Missus Dailey: Hello Noonie.

Darlene: Maw, I don't know who she is.

Missus Dailey: It's your friend Noonie.

Darlene: No Maw, she's not Noonie and she's not my friend. She's some girl who snuck in the house and up the stairs into my room.

Missus Dailey: What do you mean?

Darlene: I mean I don't know who she is. I never met her before in my life. I walked into my room and there she was. I have no idea who she is or where she came from. I think she might be one of those street kids. I think she snuck into the house and was just up here trying to steal something.

Missus Dailey: What? Steal something?

Noonie: I was not. She doesn't have anything up here worth stealin'.

Missus Dailey: Noonie, tell me where you live dear?

Noonie: I already told you. I live under the bed.

Missus Dailey: Noonie, sweetheart, this isn't funny. Where do you live?

Noonie: Under the bed.

Missus Dailey: Are you lost?

Noonie: No.

Missus Dailey: Well, then do you know your street address or your telephone number so I can call your parents and let them know where you are?

Noonie: I don't have any parents.

Darlene: Oh what a liar. She's just making that up.

Missus Dailey: Darlene, stop it! That's not nice. Do you live with your grandparents?

Noonie: No, I don't live with my grandparents. I live under the bed.

Missus Dailey: Noonie, you have to tell me where you live dear.

Noonie: But I told you where I live. I live under the bed…this bed…right here.

Pause. Mom sighs defeat

Missus Dailey: Alright…alright then. I suppose I'm just going to have to call someone to come and get you.

Darlene: Who are you gonna call?

Missus Dailey: You never mind dear. You just play with Noonie… stay here…you play…the two of you just…just play…watch television or something…don't let her go anywhere, alright? Just…just keep her company.

She exits. Pause. Noonie picks up the remote.

Darlene: Well, this is just great!

Noonie: What's on television?

Darlene: Leave the television alone.

Noonie: But your mother said we could watch televison.

Darlene: Just sit down will you?

Noonie: But she told you to play with me.

Darlene: I'm not playing with you, ok? Just…just sit down and…and…just sit down and shut up. Gawd!

Noonie: Holy geez…what a crank!

Darlene: I am not a crank.

Noonie: You are so! You're a crank and you're a sook too.

Darlene: Oh be quiet.

Noonie: Wah, wah, wah, boo, hoo, hoo!

Darlene: Will you sit down?

Noonie: No!

Darlene: Will you shut up?

Noonie: No!

Darlene: Will you just stop talking and leave me alone?

Noonie: No, I won't! Sook!

Darlene: And stop calling me a sook.

Noonie: It's just like the time Chris hid your Missus Beasley in the back of the closet and you cried all night because you thought there was a monster in there. Ya big sook!

Darlene: I was only four years old for God's sake! I really thought there was a monster in the closet.

Darlene watches with surprise as Noonie recounts these moments of her childhood

Noonie: Yeah well four years old or not, you kept me up all night long cryin' about it. I kept tellin' you there was no such thing as a monster in your closet but would you listen? No! All you did was cry. It took me all night to finally convince you of it and even then you wouldn't go in there. You had to wait until it was daylight before you got up the nerve to go get your stupid Missus Beasley doll back. Sook!

Darlene: How do you know about my Missus Beasley doll?

Noonie: You told me. Remember? You got her for Christmas that year.

Darlene: Stop it! Stop lying! Tell me how you know.

Noonie: I know about your Missus Beasley doll like I know about everything else…because you told me. It's like I know about how you got mad at Chris for calling you "bucket head" when you were five years old. Remember that? You threw his gameboy at him and it broke the kitchen window and then you blamed it on him. Of course, you felt bad afterwards because Chris got sent to his room and, so, that night when you went to bed I had to talk you into doing the right thing by going to your mother and telling her the truth.

Darlene: You're crazy! You're nuts!

Noonie: I know how you like to have your peanut butter sandwiches cut diagonally instead of across the middle.

Darlene: Who told you that?

Noonie: I know how you used to be jealous of Becky Short because her grandfather was rich, and always bought her whatever she wanted.

Darlene: How do you know Becky Short? She moved away a long time ago.

Noonie backs Darlene all the way to the door

Noonie: And I also know that when you were eight years old you decided that you didn't believe in me anymore…you stopped talking to me at night…you just left me there under your bed like I was one of your half eaten diagonally cut peanut butter sandwiches that you threw under there…left to get moldy and hard like I was a piece of garbage that you just didn't have any use for anymore.

Darlene: Who-are-you?

Noonie: I told you! I'm Noonie! The girl who lives under your bed!

Pause

Darlene: Maw?

Noonie throws her hands in the air in defeat as Darlene exits

…Maaaw!

Noonie: Yeah, you go ahead…run to your mommy…bucket head…mommy, mommy, mommy…I'm scared mommy…help me mommy…the monster in my closet has escaped mommy…he's eating everything in sight…heeeeelp mommy…save me mommy…save me from the monster!

Pause

Ha! Ya big sook!

Lights Fade